Here is an excerpt from a message I sent Rebecca, Ephraim's mom, to explain why I am giving her son my kidney: I think my heart first started really being drawn to Ephraim the night we were making bracelets at a women's meeting, and they showed us the youtube video you did. I kept thinking, I wish there was something more concrete I could do to help. Then, providentially I started helping in the preschool class and I fell in love with Ephraim. At first I think I was feeling compassion for him because of his condition but then I just became drawn to his heart, and wanted to spend time with him. I love the other children in the class too but I just really felt drawn to him. When I found out Seth wasn't a match my heart sank for you both and I wondered if I could possibly be a match. But I also heard there were other donors potentially so I talked to David and we decided to wait and see what happened with them first. Everyone else was eliminated so it was time for more prayer and waiting on God.
One morning I felt like He said to me, I gave you my Son, so you can give Ephraim your kidney. Your days were written down in my book even before one came to pass. I made man out of dust. I am able to sustain your life with one kidney. Do not fear. No greater love has a man than this than he lay down his life for his friends. At that moment I knew God had me in mind for this.
One might wonder my motivation for this... is it because I love Ephraim and want healing for him? Yes. Is it because it is the right thing to do? Yes. But these are not the primary reasons.
It is because I am selfish. If I give up my kidney, I get more of Christ. He is worth it. I want to tell as many people as possible that. It's not because I am some great generous or holy person. One day in my house as a fly on the wall will tell you that (or just ask David!). It is because God has ordained that I need this to make me more like Christ and so that others around me will know Christ is worth it. He has appointed this work for me before the foundation of the Earth that I walk in it. I am safer in the center of His will than anywhere else.
So am I scared?... kind of but not really. I am sure as the date approaches I might have a different answer. I tend not to worry about things until they get closer. But more than being scared I look forward to the opportunity to lean on Christ in this and feel his love in a way that I have never experienced before.
I sent this note about a week ago. Two days later I did experience a bout of intense fear which I will post about later...
So my challenge to you is this... what do you have in your life that is worth risking it all? That will last forever? That will be there when everything else fails or is taken away? Christ is it. He is my life. I have nothing apart from Him. I have prayed over and over again for God to do things in my life that would show the worth of Christ, that my life would make no sense were the gospel not true. I am not a great person. I am a weak person full of flaws that is madly in love with her Savior and just starting to scratch the surface of how high, deep, and wide His love is for me. And the good news is that His love is there for you too, if you are willing to seek it out.
1 comments:
Veronica thank you for sharing this, and even in "your selfish reasons" (not) for doing this I see your precious heart!
Much grace peace and love to you!