This morning marks the beginning of my 39th year on Earth. As I reflect on this, it occurs to me that I could be upset or depressed by reaching an "almost" milestone like this one. I am "almost" 40. Depending on my lifespan which God only knows, I may have more years ahead of me than behind me, or I may be on the downward slope of my life's bell curve. This could be a cause for sadness, depression, or fear. Is my life meaningful? Do I have any purpose? Has it all been a waste? What is death? What will happen afterwards?
Not having answers to these questions used to torment me constantly. As a teenager I had panic attacks whenever I considered my own mortality. I remember having the distinct thought that some day when I got older I would be afraid to go to sleep because I might not wake up. I would shake with fear, my heart racing in my chest, sweat covering me. The only way to calm down was to tell myself that it was a long way off and I couldn't worry about it now or the fear would consume me.
At age 33, Jesus Christ chose to reveal Himself to me, and showed me the answers to all my questions. My life has meaning, because He made me on purpose for Himself. To love Him and be loved by Him. My life has significance because He made me different from everyone else as a reflection of His glory. And He has prepared specific things for me to do on this Earth, that reflect His glory and point others to Him, that He has prepared me to do. He has even given me peace that the 33 years I did not know Him were not a waste. He has redeemed them and turned them into something good. Because of my struggles with food addiction and bulimia I am able to help others who struggle with addiction. Because of the difficulties I experienced in my family and marital relationships I am able to sympathize with those who are hurting in their relationships. Because I had such a fear of death I am able to cling more dearly to the eternal life that Jesus offers in Him and I am more passionate about proclaiming it to others.
So on this 39th birthday rather than being depressed or anxious, I choose to celebrate the One who gave me life, who gave me these 39 years, and who has given me new life in Him, Jesus Christ. He has taken someone who outwardly appeared "good" but is full of selfishness, pride, and deception and made me His own. I am being changed day by day into His likeness, and one day I will go home to be with Him forever. So each birthday is something to rejoice in, because I am one day closer to seeing His glorious face.
May all who read this find reason to celebrate each day as a gift from our Maker and to find the hope of being with Him forever. If you find yourself pondering questions of purpose, significance, death, and eternity, don't push them away. Keep seeking answers, until you find them. You may doubt the existence of God. I did. You may not believe that Jesus is the way. I thought all religions were a path to God. But the stories of people like me who are continually being transformed by His grace are a testimony that God the Father did send His Son into the world that whoever should believe on Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
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