A few weeks ago we got the unexpected news that our church was closing and our pastors were moving to Dallas, TX because God had called them to shepherd a flock in a church there. My first reaction was shock, then a mixture of sadness and rejoicing in their willingness to do whatever God has called them to do set in.
For days I was in a funk not knowing how to take this news. I like how my husband David put it-we felt like body parts that had just been amputated. My head knew intellectually that it was right for our pastors to answer God's call. I knew I should be supportive and excited about a new chapter in our lives with a new church family, but my heart was not cooperating. I kept thinking of all the "lasts" I would never experience. I would never get to do a "last class" with the children. I would never again stand with these brothers and sisters in Christ to hear Juan preach the Word. We would never finish all the things we had dreamed about. I would never get to sing worship with my friends when our pastors went out of town. What made it even harder is that we would not even get to attend the last service with everyone else because we had already committed to go visit David's family in North Carolina for a family reunion.
So there was nothing I could do, but pray and cry out to God. As I shared my heart with Him, He began to speak words of comfort to me, to give me a different perspective on the situation. God spoke to me in scripture... "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit" John 12:24. He spoke to me in creation, showing me the irises in my yard, that grow together in a clump after a few years, and need to be separated in order to continue to thrive. He spoke to me as I looked at tomato seedlings growing in tiny containers on our front stairs, bursting out of the bottom of the pots, crying out to be replanted so that the roots might grow deeper into the soil and might bear fruit. I also saw the pepper seedlings I had not gotten around to replanting, that had withered up and died. He even spoke to me in the face of a little girl from India at a church we visited, who reminded me of one of the children from our old church that I missed terribly, saying that I must let go of relationships that I have held so dear, so I can be a blessing to many others who need the love of Jesus.
So with these words of peace spoken directly unto my heart, I will rest in His sovereign plan, knowing that this is best for all who love Him. And I will look forward to being transplanted into the new body that is right for me, knowing that Jesus knows exactly where I fit. And I will eagerly anticipate the day where there will be no more goodbyes, that all who love Him and call upon His Name will be reunited and will have eternity to worship Him together forever.
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